Relationships and Fear

Most of us agree that childhood relationships have dramatic effects on our relationships later in life. Important experiences may form the core beliefs about life in general and painful childhood relationships can become prototypical for later life relationships.

One of the outcomes of a painful childhood relationship may be the 'fear of intimacy'. For adults this may mean a preference for short-term relationships which feel safer than long term or committed relationships. Other people may tolerate long-term relationships providing they are in control and keep others at a certain distance from them emotionally. Some people fear intimacy in any form, which can lead to a sense of meaninglessness or emptiness, or a futile search for 'happiness'. Fears of intimacy can stop a person from experiencing 'love' in healthy ways. Being in a relationship with someone who has a fear of intimacy can be extremely hurtful and emotionally draining. The recipient can suffer rejection, withdrawal and isolation. It is very difficult not to take these actions very personally.

If you are a partner of someone who suffers from 'fear of intimacy' or you feel that you may be experiencing this fear yourself, you may find our Manage Your Emotions programme useful to understand your behaviour and also the messages within your emotions.