Living With 'Over Eating'

Eating Disorders are not uncommon in our society today. Over the weekend we were told that doctors are to unite to combat obesity and that UK women are the fattest in Europe. Of course, there are lots of varying factors as to why a person can be over weight, but it makes obvious sense to me that if the reason isn't 'medical' it has to be Emotional. To be clear, in this blog I am talking about people who are suffering from over eating/bulimic rather than those who are suffering from Anorexia and whose symptoms are more to do with a Mental Health issue.


When I see an over weight person I tend to see not their size, but their emotional state. My heart goes out for these poor souls who are so insecure that unconsciously (or consciously) have made their weight their barrier against their fears, their protection against life if you like. Usually, the most weight is gained around the stomach area, which is where your gut instinct lies. As society has a great deal to gain from instilling 'Fear' into us all it is not surprising that the body weight people accumulate can be hiding their fear of; not having enough love or money, low self esteem, inability to keep boundaries, feeling powerless, rejection, childhood traumas etc.

When I have counselled people who are battling with over eating, Anger, Resentment  and Apathy are usually the key emotions which are either raging or being totally repressed. But the next big emotions to look at are 'Shame' and 'Fear'. Sometimes Shame is too painful for a person to feel and they try to bury it as deep as they can so that they appear not to have it. Some people do a really good job of this and it is almost as though they are without conscience, but rarely is this so. In fact, most over weight people are extremely sensitive, caring people unable to keep their own boundaries and are over compliant. As already mentioned,  over weight people can be Apathetic (some say lazy), but this is nearly always because of repressed unresolved feelings of Anger and Fear.

Over Eating affects all the members of the family to some degree. This makes utter sense, as we learn how to deal with our emotions through watching how our parents/caregivers handle their own emotions. It can be particularly painful for the partner of an over eater. Partners usually feel really helpless in this situation and may plead with the over eater to get some kind of help. Indeed, some may even feel they are to blame for the over eating in some way. Those partners who have lived with the disorder for many years, hoping things would change, begin to feel Resentful, Angry and mistrustful in the relationship and this can cause them to become 'policemen,' waiting to catch their partner eating what they shouldn't (which will only fuel the fears of the over eater). This in turn can mean that the partner will become the 'abuser' telling the other what they should and shouldn't do (even if it is for the good of the loved one's health) and the other the 'victim' which is a rampant archetype in an over eater. So these relationships become a self fulling prophesy.

What is really needed here to treat this issue from the inside out and I hope the Doctors who meet together to discuss obesity really understand the emotional issues. Yes, bring down the cost of low fat food so that it is more affordable and deal with other external issues which contribute to obesity, but more importantly, provide emotional support  for ALL those who are suffering.

If you or someone you know is suffering from over eating, or if you are in a relationship with a person who has an obesity problem please take a look at our programme www.myenow.com for instant emotional help!