I would like to let you in to a little secret. When I see a client for the first time who wants Counselling I make sure I ask about the way they handle their Anger. What I have learnt over the years of being a therapist is that the way a person handles their Anger is usually at the root of most emotional problems.

I believe that Anger is one of the most hard working and misunderstood of all the emotions (other than Shame). Anger does so much for us, if it wasn't necessary in our lives we wouldn't be born with the ability to feel it. It is essential to help us build boundaries and to make us feel safe. Imagine life without Anger.... I have had a couple of Clients in the past who have chosen to live completely without Anger and whom I consider to be very brave souls. They had decided to live this way because they had lived with parents who used their own anger to abuse their children and hurt others whom they loved. As a child living with this sort of Anger Management you learn from an early age how to hide, become invisible, not to voice your opinion in case of violent reactions. You also become very skilled at recognising when people are feeling angry and either duck out the way, or allow the anger to bounce off you.

This behaviour can then lead to the belief that Anger is dangerous, it is painful and that it should not be shown. As adults, how do these poor people keep their boundaries in disputes, make their opinion heard, allow others to know they are hurt, or say 'no' or 'yes' to people assertively? How can they be 'real' with others? The answer is that quite simply, they don't. These lovely people use different emotions to come forward to help them when they feel hurt or abused. Fear, Sadness and Shame are usually the emotions which will volunteer for the job of protecting you when Anger is not allowed to do its job.

Unfortunately, these are the wrong tools for the job and does not usually promote change or can protect people like Anger can. The irony is that the parents of these clients were using their own Anger abusively because they were scared and vulnerable but couldn't consciously feel or recognise the other emotions such as Sadness or Shame.

People who choose to live without Anger are brave people because they are able to confront other people's Anger with numbness which can create space for others to consciously complain in safety. Indeed, one of my clients who lived without Anger was a Social Worker, working with Young Offenders who were often verbally abusive to her.

However, as you can probably appreciate, these brave people suffer emotionally in many ways. It can take a long time for people to form a new, healthy relationship with Anger. It is very rewarding when you can do this though. It is incredible how you can feel more peaceful and relaxed when you are can trust your Anger to protect you in an honourable way.

At myenow we can help you to forge a new, rewarding relationship with your Anger. What have you got to lose......your Anger?