Loving Someone Who Isn't Good At Loving

People who love someone who isn't good at loving can find themselves in an emotional trap. They try so hard to 'change' or 'rescue' their partner by making all manner of emotional self-sacrifices.

Unfortunately, this only succeeds in stifling their own happiness. People who are trying to 'awaken the love' in their partner usually focus on constantly pleasing the other person. This can stifle aspects of themselves which the other criticise such as: passion, fun, spontaneity, ambition.

Another rescuing trait is to be 'over-cheerful' to make up for the lack of joy in the partner or relationship. Sometimes this results in parents relying on their children for emotional joy and support, which is lacking in their marriage. Yet all this tends to bring more an more disappointment as nothing ever changes. The golden rule to remember is 'just because you love someone it does not mean you are responsible for their happiness. We are responsible for our own happiness'.


This is rule does not mean that you have to stop doing lovely things for people because you like to make them smile and feel better. The rule is about 'responsibility' or as I prefer to think about it as two words; respond - ability. We all have the ability to respond to people in various circumstances, but it is always our choice how we respond. You can keep responding the way you all-ways do and the chances are you nothing will ever change for you in the relationship.

Changing your behaviour requires you acknowledging and accepting how you are behaving at this time. Which is why the Mye Programe (Manage Your Emotions Programme) is great at helping you to discover how you are behaving at this time. What is   also important is looking at the emotions which drive that behaviour. Once you have understood why you do what you do, you can then make a choice to change. The Mye Programme, can do just that ! Visit the website to find out more www.myenow.com

Do you feel like a prisoner wanting to escape? 

Escaper Behaviour is one of the behaviours in the Manage Your Emotions Programme. As an 'Escaper' you feel that you would love to be able to escape from certain situations, from people or even from yourself!

What Escaper Behaviour is;

You feel as though you need to escape from your situation or from certain feelings.
You may feel that you have no choice other than to see things through to the bitter end.
There may be times when you feel you don’t belong anywhere.
You may find ways of escaping through various ways. These might include; over eating, drinking, smoking, having affairs, gambling, taking drugs, obsession with sex, over working, compulsive reading, excessive need to be out of the house, avoidance of certain people or places, avoiding confrontations or creating confrontations, excessive fantasising or day dreaming.
You may feel the need to be in control, because you feel so out of control.
You may not have much patience with yourself or with other people.
You may feel exhausted most of the time.
You may not feel you have the ability to make yourself ‘safe.’
You may not really like yourself.


Understanding Your Escaper Behaviour 

All your emotions are trying to help you. Escaper Behaviour is very common. All of us need to ‘escape’ at times in our lives. However, if Escaper Behaviour is a dominant way of behaving then it may cause distress. It can lead to many different kinds of avoidance which if left unattended can undermine and affect lives.

Escaper Behaviour hides very important emotions
These are: Fear, Anger, Shame and Sadness

It would be helpful for you to understand each of the emotions which are probably ‘stuck’ under your Escaper Behaviour. Emotions often work in groups: your Sadness is connected to your Anger.

Changing
It will take some effort to make incremental changes your Escaper Behaviour. Perhaps it is the way you have always behaved and it makes you feel ‘safe’. Remember, no one can change you, except you. Moving away from Escaping behaviour means that you can confront increasingly difficult obstacles in an honest and self empowering.

If you are an 'Escaper' please go to www.myenow.com and take the programme to start making the necessary changes to your life now.

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Do You Feel Like You Are Drowning?

Do you feel that you have lots of responsibilities and you cannot say ‘no’ to people? This is an example of 'Drowning' which is one of the behaviours in the Manage Your Emotions on line Programme. 

What drowning is

There are times when everything is too much for you.
You may feel as though you are drowning.
You don’t know whether to say something, to leave, to sit down and cry, you can’t decide on anything.
You tend to feel frozen as if you’re not really there. It’s as though events were happening to someone else: you don’t know how to react, so sometimes you just ‘clam up’ and look at others.

Understanding drowning

When you are overwhelmed your emotions are stuck. This means that in some way you are not allowing yourself to ‘feel’ anything.
Feeling ‘overwhelmed’ helps you to avoid things. It may happen when you are doing too much, or you feel that you have too much responsibility and you are unable to say ‘no, I don’t want to do this’.
Your body, mind and emotions will make sure you slow down. Feeling overwhelmed is a way of doing just this, to make you feel that life is happening to someone else and that you do not own your body any more. You are saying that ‘you can’t take any more and you need a break!’

Drowning behaviour hides very important emotions: Fear, Anger, Shame and Sadness

It would be helpful for you to understand each of the emotions which are probably stuck under your Drowning Behaviour. Emotions often go around in pairs or groups:  your Sadness is connected to your Anger. 

• It will take some effort make incremental changes to your Drowning Thinking. Perhaps it is the way you have always behaved and it makes you feel ‘safe’. Remember, no one can change you, except you.
• If you want to carry on behaving in a Drowning way you will always feel like you do now. 

If you feel you would like to understand more about 'Drowning' behaviour or work through the emotions which are underlying this behaviour please visit our website www.myenow.com and take part in the questionnaire.